change background | view actual size (200 x 200 pixels)
lowkey wanna die not forver just. until I get over this
I need to understand when something is too good to be true. I need to understand when I need to stop or to drop something or when to stop trying and give up. It got to the point I was trying so hard the possibility was illiminated entirely. I feel so fucking stupid.
lowkey wanna die? check
a stupid whiny bitch? check
a low ass cunt who need to chill the fuck out? check
the person who looks confident and happy but actually will start to cry from frustration if you mention something? check
I need to stop. it didnt mean nearly as much to them as it did to me obviously or this wouldn't have happened. My body doesn't seem to understand that just because something started doesn't mean it can go anywhere. it doesnt mean that once they cut it off itll start up again when they're ready. I pushed it so hard that what i'd been wanting for over a year was over and gone within a month.
im too emotional. im extra to an extent its annoying.
maybe tomorrow will help me forget this. I want to forget. I dont want this to drag on anymore because dammit it hurts so fucing much and to them its as simple as a no. i hate this with all my heart. i shouldnt be like this. I just want to remodel myself to someone who doesnt fuck it up. I'm halfway to where I want to be. Im likable, I have friends, annd I have people who want to be my friend. But the other half is how to get them to stay. I open up too quickly too much, and I scare them off. I wont even talk to the person I trust with my life about half of my shit because I don't want to lose them. I dont wanna go through this over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and fucking over. I'm sick of this.
i want to die. but only until this is all over.
I want to see people grieve over my coffin and grave with tears streaming down their cheeks and see them feel guilty. its terrible. but they deserve to be upset theyve made me feel this way
i feel their lips against my hands and cheeks and lips and the smell of their cologne and the wamrth of their hugs and how my heart felt when they told me they loved me. and suddenly, bam gone. and its really gone
let me die until this is over.