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by gummibearzrule

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16 September 2016 18:44
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lowkey wanna die not forver just. until I get over this

I need to understand when something is too good to be true. I need to understand when I need to stop or to drop something or when to stop trying and give up. It got to the point I was trying so hard the possibility was illiminated entirely. I feel so fucking stupid.

lowkey wanna die? check

a stupid whiny bitch? check

a low ass cunt who need to chill the fuck out? check

the person who looks confident and happy but actually will start to cry from frustration if you mention something? check

I need to stop. it didnt mean nearly as much to them as it did to me obviously or this wouldn't have happened. My body doesn't seem to understand that just because something started doesn't mean it can go anywhere. it doesnt mean that once they cut it off itll start up again when they're ready. I pushed it so hard that what i'd been wanting for over a year was over and gone within a month.

im too emotional. im extra to an extent its annoying.

maybe tomorrow will help me forget this. I want to forget. I dont want this to drag on anymore because dammit it hurts so fucing much and to them its as simple as a no. i hate this with all my heart. i shouldnt be like this. I just want to remodel myself to someone who doesnt fuck it up. I'm halfway to where I want to be. Im likable, I have friends, annd I have people who want to be my friend. But the other half is how to get them to stay. I open up too quickly too much, and I scare them off. I wont even talk to the person I trust with my life about half of my shit because I don't want to lose them. I dont wanna go through this over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and fucking over. I'm sick of this.

i want to die. but only until this is all over.

I want to see people grieve over my coffin and grave with tears streaming down their cheeks and see them feel guilty. its terrible. but they deserve to be upset theyve made me feel this way

i feel their lips against my hands and cheeks and lips and the smell of their cologne and the wamrth of their hugs and how my heart felt when they told me they loved me. and suddenly, bam gone. and its really gone

let me die until this is over.


[this comment was deleted by minegamer117]
by minegamer117, 16 September 2016 18:46
[this comment was deleted by minegamer117]
by minegamer117, 16 September 2016 19:03
gee i had NO idea
by gummibearzrule, 16 September 2016 19:17
[this comment was deleted by minegamer117]
by minegamer117, 16 September 2016 19:18
Oh, I can't understand much of this, that itself shows me I need to further grow as a person. I don't want to assume what it means or why it happened. I just hope that this solemn message was worth making, and that the pursuing of your ideal self can come to an end. From a philosophical perspective self pursuit will never end until you can pursue no more, that isn't a good reason to die. Yet you, your traits, likes, personality, will always be changing no matter how fulfilled you are. It also warns of fall from glory, the idea that you can become worse than you are is horrifying from a human perspective.

The endless trail of defeat and triumph will never stop: perfection is impossible and loss is incurable.

Imperfection is the spice of improbability and beauty; chaos and fluctuation.
by _Xyzzy_, 16 September 2016 21:50
I know how you feel. I don't wanna start shit, so I'll just leave it at that.
by dafunkyemo, 16 September 2016 23:48
OMG THIS IS LITERALLY WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME. sorry, I've just been trying to explain whats wrong with me but this is so perfect. Its everything i wanted to say.
by rosefirefly, 18 January 2017 04:18
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