its alright ((for now
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apologies for the shitty doodle, its v v early and im really fuckin tired lmao
in any case, this is concerning that other lil red doodle a couple piqs back. it basically was just a rant, and it touched a lot of topics including my grades, self harm, family, friends, anxiety, and depression overall.
im not sure where to start but I guess ill talk about the most prominent thing in my life rn, being my gf. shes been helping me out all this spring break, and has also heard me cry for the first time (ew). she means the world to me and I love her more than I could say, and im just so fucking glad shes sticking around to help me. im dunno where id be rn without her, but thats the point right? heh. in any case, that's been going really well, so im glad for that
of course theres the other guys I love, my friends and you guys. Thank you so much for the sweet supportive comments on that piq, it means a ot to me that you guys care about me. I definitely have more online friends than irl friends, and my internet friends have made a much bigger impact on me and my mental health. in good and bad ways. ive had a couple bumps in the road online, but it been going pretty smoothly as of recently, which is honestly really great. its my online friends that really keep me going, because theyre always there for me, much unlike my irl friends sadly. but im perfectly fine with that, so im gonna stick to it.
concerning my mom now. hah this is....interesting, to say the least. but ive accepted my punishment for that grade I got, and by accepting, I mean ive found huge loop holes and still get on my phone anyway. she lets me have it charge in my room and since my room is on the other side of the house, she cant really hear when im playing youtube vids and doesnt really look in my room when she comes by anyway. im open to be contacted on my phone again, so you can kik me (RainiHearts) or dm me on instagram (@lazybones.png). ive also been drawing on copy paper instead, which is a big mess. I'm gonna have to get either a shit ton of sheet protectors or one of those three ring hole punchers, cuz i actually like what ive been drawing recently. i have a stack of about 20 sheets after being home all week lmao. but otherwise my mom's been better I suppose, I mean yeah she yelled at me this morning but thats pretty normal. I love her anyway, shes still my mom. shes also my only family left, so im kind of stuck anyway haha. but thats fine too yknow
I also had a doctors appointment during the week. my mom said it was just a check up without any shots, but I ended up needing three shots and two blood tests run on me. fuuuun. I hate needles so fuckin much you dont knOW man. in any case, I also had to fill out a personal form for their uses, without my mom watching over my shoulder for once and she wouldnt see it anyway. so i actually got to mark the right choice, concerning about depression and anxiety. the doctor talked to me a little bit about how I should have definitely said something earlier, because if youve been experiencing this kind of stuff for 6+ months (its been a couple years), I most likely need meds and/or therapy. he recommended a list of places where i could call and make my own appointments, since my mom is yet still unaware. I dont think I will be though, since she still has to drive me there. plus she'll most likely believe that I dont actually need it and its "just a phase". I also found out i have iron deficiency anemia, so I'm gonna be picking up some iron supplements for that today. eugh
I'm also gonna be seeing an old friend tomorrow, which should be interesting. a couple years back he got sent to a boarding school in California, and comes back during some of the summer and for the breaks. I havent seen him for about a year now, and he apparently still has a crush on me. I already told him no but he didnt take it real well and is still trying to flirt. hes really bad at it too pff. he's actually pretty immature and whiny tbh, but hes ncie enough. we're gonna go to these escape rooms nearby (I hadnt even heard of them) with his family. his bro is a lot nicer than him tbh and I wouldnt be surprise if I stuck around him more. this should be...interesting.
I mean for this to be a more positive piq, since i often tell out guys about the bad stuff and only the bad stuff, which isnt how stuff works. good stuff happens too, and I think a couple people might have been worried, which is what i try to avoid doing to other people. isnt right to you guys. in any case, im gonna try and be happier and look more open to people too. its kind of difficult, but I can do it man. with what friends i have and nia, it hopefulyl wont be as hard for me as it was in the past. if youre still reading, thanks for doing that dude. I know im just rambling by now so I'll stop, heh